How to get over a strained relationship

Whatever your feelings about the state of your relationship, and especially if it’s currently not in a really good place, you may find yourself showing up at a party this month with a few friends and being just as awkward as you’ve been feeling. Worse, your friends could find themselves suffering too.

This awkwardness is likely to be a common side effect of a relationship where things have been going well but have recently taken a turn for the worse. For example, were you once in a really strong, independent relationship with a great guy and now it feels like you’re spending all your time and effort all on him. Or have you suddenly become the very active partner in your relationship in an effort to check in and keep things going, and, without putting in the effort needed for two people to still benefit from a closer partnership, things have been dragged down.

Paradoxically, the best way to get over it is to start new relationships where you already know the person. Feeling comfortable and at ease with someone will help you to cope, and a new relationship is the best place to try again before you go out to find a better situation to enhance the relationship.

These tips will help you when you arrive at the holiday party and find yourself wishing you hadn’t gone there at all.

Make friends quickly

Just because your new relationship has made things very uncomfortable doesn’t mean you have to go into a holiday with every single person in your former relationship. The future might hold a whole lot better for your relationship if you include your friends who are still involved in your former relationship in the next round.

Get better at networking

If you had a good relationship with one of your old acquaintances, then do more of them! Find more new and like-minded acquaintances who you know you’d get along with well. Meet more people and start networking, especially during the season of parties and socialising. Be open-minded and see where it takes you.

Avoid the awkward moment

If you aren’t great at making the evening less awkward for your ex and you’ve got everyone else together, you may have to go back to the drawing board.

Keep a calm head

Even though you may get over the former relationship very easily, there are probably still a few good memories to live off. If you miss the old days, or are dreading them, it may help to think of all the things you’ve now been through to create memories to cherish. Try and have a clear head, and be calm and collected. Do your best to stay ready for the good times and the fun times to come.

Make it a good conversation starter

The most important thing to remember during any relationship is to not to take it personally. Rather, they were just not good for you. But the friends are now okay. So you’ll just have to make the best of it, and remember that it might actually get better once you get over it.

No one wins if you hit someone with your car. If you do that and end up in jail, no one will win but you. Image: mihjeyri with Flickr Creative Commons 2.0

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